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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Nadine AL VivaresFemale/Philippines Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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Statistics 69 Deviations 131 Comments 3,859 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Progress .gif: Snow Queen by Bellafanofdeath Progress .gif: Snow Queen :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 2 2 Snow Queen by Bellafanofdeath Snow Queen :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 14 3 Progress .gif: Hunters by Bellafanofdeath Progress .gif: Hunters :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 4 0 Hunters by Bellafanofdeath Hunters :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 5 3 Progress tiles: Hunters by Bellafanofdeath Progress tiles: Hunters :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 2 0 Baby Cthulhu by Bellafanofdeath Baby Cthulhu :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 0 0 Corvidae by Bellafanofdeath Corvidae :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 1 0 Alana by Bellafanofdeath Alana :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 1 0 Spee-ider by Bellafanofdeath Spee-ider :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 0 0 Bird Mask by Bellafanofdeath Bird Mask :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 3 2 Braid girl by Bellafanofdeath Braid girl :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 1 0 Braid Girl progress by Bellafanofdeath Braid Girl progress :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 0 0 Nadine! (Portrait vector + experimentation) by Bellafanofdeath Nadine! (Portrait vector + experimentation) :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 0 3 Portrait vector by Bellafanofdeath Portrait vector :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 1 0 GALA Publications nameplate by Bellafanofdeath GALA Publications nameplate :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 0 0 Techno Intellect ad CB V2, I2 by Bellafanofdeath Techno Intellect ad CB V2, I2 :iconbellafanofdeath:Bellafanofdeath 0 0


Anna by KiwiKat10 Anna :iconkiwikat10:KiwiKat10 93 41 Wielkie-oczy by Wioch-Men Wielkie-oczy :iconwioch-men:Wioch-Men 3 0 D. by RepetinaL D. :iconrepetinal:RepetinaL 6 2 CL by Moredie88 CL :iconmoredie88:Moredie88 10 2 Deep-sea Summoner Martina by ~exes9yui by exes9yui Deep-sea Summoner Martina by ~exes9yui :iconexes9yui:exes9yui 510 23 OC - Fern by poolord OC - Fern :iconpoolord:poolord 7 2 Photography study 4 by Filipe-Pagliuso Photography study 4 :iconfilipe-pagliuso:Filipe-Pagliuso 187 12 Grace Reference by FaithNGrace Grace Reference :iconfaithngrace:FaithNGrace 4 0 From the North came the Furry Tyrannosaurs by Eurwentala From the North came the Furry Tyrannosaurs :iconeurwentala:Eurwentala 528 83 Velociraptor by DeEtta Velociraptor :icondeetta:DeEtta 405 33 Nox by Furby0305 Nox :iconfurby0305:Furby0305 194 14 White Lady by simplykit19 White Lady :iconsimplykit19:simplykit19 3 0 Hallo thar. by RouzekiKaosu Hallo thar. :iconrouzekikaosu:RouzekiKaosu 10 3 Harley Quinn by andycassandra Harley Quinn :iconandycassandra:andycassandra 12 0 Leni by Courker Leni :iconcourker:Courker 12 1 I bella by soultosoul45 I bella :iconsoultosoul45:soultosoul45 3 2



Bellafanofdeath's Profile Picture
Nadine AL Vivares
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
♥ I eat books for breakfast, connoisseuring in SF/F.
♥ I believe that in another dimension I am married to Neil Gaiman.
♥ I doodle. A LOT.
♥ I love to draw and paint.
♥ I'm an aspiring artist and secretly want a career involving arts...
♥ I love everything about the ocean.
♥ As a Marine Biology graduate, I dream that one day I will be able to save the sharks.
♥ I think Futurama is the best and funniest cartoon series ever made.
♥ Many of my decisions are greatly influenced by the color green.
♥ I am a bit more anthropomorphic than most, as I give names to my phone, laptop, my journal (Hardtouse, Bill and Buch). And I sympathize for the plights of inanimate objects.

Current Residence: Misamis Oriental, Philippines
Favourite genre of music: Rock/Alt. Rock
Favourite style of art: Traditional art & digital art mash-up
Favourite cartoon character: Philip J. Fry
I have monsters. I've kept them in a hole ever since I realized what they were, around 15 years ago. I have never seen every one of them, but I know I'm shackled and chained to them. They drag me in the darkness at my lowest moments in life. Somehow, they sense when I am weakest, growling at grasping at my chains, dragging me in. Taking me back to the hole, until I see the horror of their faces again.

Try as I might to be strong, I'm still no match for their titanic power against me. Every problem, every insecurity, every fear, EVERY WEAKNESS, they pick up on it, almost as if they gain strength from it. I know I have the key to my shackles. But I am afraid.

All my life I had to deal with my monsters, some days better than others. Tonight, especially, was one of the worst episodes I had with them. An hour worth of tears stain my pillow, my eyes puffy and red.  I was stripped naked. I was battered by its claws. I was forced to look at its abomination again. I'm not sure how many people know the pain I am going through, it was agonizing. All I'm sure is: it is unfair.

My boyfriend kept them at bay tonight, bless his soul.

I've introduced the monsters to a couple of people already. I thought it was only going to get easier, sharing my load to friends I trust. Oh I was wrong. I was so wrong. It got harder. It became stronger. Somehow more tangible. I guess it was better back when I pretended it wasn't there. It was easier to ignore its tugs and pulls back when only I knew them.

I have the key to my shackles, but I've never tried to free myself before. I fear of going to the darkness of the hole and see the entirety of my monsters. I am trapped. Held back from being the best that I could be. Settling for mediocre. Feeling worthless and powerless on the worst days.

Someday, I'll set myself free. I have the key.
  • Listening to: The hum of the electric fan
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Eating: Ice cream in my dreams
  • Drinking: osifbsodibfvpaoisuhfpqoew ewhf


Add a Comment:
poolord Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Student
ahh thanks for the fave (★^O^★)
Bellafanofdeath Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Meow :3 you're welcome
nikafargos Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank U so much for the fav! Kisu 
P.S. your id pic is beautiful, absolutely stunning typography!
Bellafanofdeath Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww! Thanks all around! Hug 
P.S. I love your painting style! Keep up the great work!
simplykit19 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
thnx 4 d fave :)
marAttacks Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011
thanks for the :+fav: , I really appreciate it. hehe. talagsa raman ko dini.
B3NN3TT Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2010  Professional Artist
Cheers for all the Favouries, and thanks for Watching :blushes:
Bellafanofdeath Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
NP! :D
CitizenWolfie Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch!
CitizenWolfie Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the faves!
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